morning pages
I’m not gonna lie, I’ve never really been a solid ‘journal-er’…
I tried so hard to be. I even have this coffee table book to try to inspire me… which I LOVE but still hadn’t done the trick. It’s one of those tools I’ve picked up in fits and starts; one I reach for when I’m in crisis or feeling really full but can have a hard time sticking with on the daily. These are the tools that inspire me to stick with it.
the mindbody connection
However, since reading Dr. John Sarno’s work, I’m making a serious intentional effort. I highly recommend his books on repressed emotions. We are all storing A LOT and we all handle it differently. Each of our bodies and subconscious minds have different nifty ways of trying to protect us. If only we could just say… no thanks.
Even without physical symptoms, feeling stuck in scarcity or protective patterns, or short fuses; we can all do with some more internal spaciousness.
diving into the subconscious
In The Divided Mind, Dr. Sarno adds an additional element. It is to use our time to dig into what’s living in our unconscious. The painful feelings and anything that may be contributing to them. His view is that we store so much anger on a daily basis, resentments big and small, hurt feelings and strong + subtle emotions.
We can easily build resentment against so many things including those we love. It doesn’t mean we don’t love them. I can feel resentment toward my dog for barking and rattling my nervous system. I know he isn’t doing it on purpose. It’s not his fault. It doesn’t change the fact that it can be irritating. On top of the irritation, I immediately feel ashamed and guilty for feeling that way knowing he’s a sweet innocent creature just being himself and protecting me. It’s said that we don’t really experience anything without feeling judgement or guilt for feeling it. I can feel all these things. I can also repress all these feelings without even realizing.
He tells a story in the book Healing Back Pain about a man who developed elbow pain after taking up tennis for his wife (who love tennis). Turns out, he hates tennis. And while he wanted to do this for his wife, his unconscious was storing away resentful feelings. His body using physical pain to protect him. This is how we get full. Our subconscious mind wants to protect us from all those stored feelings. When we start unpacking them through journaling, we make space.
This also includes bringing awareness to personality traits that can contribute to our internal emotions. Maybe we really want to be liked, supported, valued. Maybe we’re a perfectionist, sensitive to criticism, a people pleaser, feel inferior in some way. The feelings that result from these traits, shadows, limiting beliefs also contribute to our fullness. And often our stuck-ness.
The resentment of life’s pressures and responsibilities (even the ones we typically enjoy), the reliance of our partners and children. When it feels wrong to feel angry. Conscious emotion that we stuffed down because it was inappropriate at the time to express it. Aging and our mortality. The list goes on and on. When we start writing we peel back layers; we move through the outer shells of the Russian doll. We bring the deeper roots into our consciousness. We recognize them. And as we do, we release their hold.
We can do this by writing out daily lists of all the things we can think of that may be influencing us. We may find that sometimes things that angered us/resentments/etc.. don’t immediately come to mind. (Although I have to admit, I haven’t reached that place yet. It’s kind of amazing how much can exist there when we start peeling back layers. Or just go through our day, notice where we’re triggered or feel confronted). If you find not a lot comes to mind for you, then you can free form write until you stumble upon something to dig deeper. Or you can check out some of the prompts in Shadow or in Human Design and write an essay on one trait/limiting belief/shadow that you feel may be of influence- unpacking the emotional depth, getting to the root as much as possible.
Set a timer for 10-15 minutes each day (or twice a day) and empty out.
Focusing on a particular person or situation
This time rather than more stream of consciousness you focus on a particular person. This could be your partner, an ex, a friend, a stranger who cut you off, someone who looked at you sideways (if it affected you), someone who caused you trauma (if that feels a safe place to travel to), your boss or coworker, etc.. Call someone to mind and, well, go off on them on the page, and by that I simply mean don’t hold anything back. This could be for someone you truly love but maybe you had a disagreement and it’s still residing in your body, or you just don’t feel seen or heard in some way. It can seem completely irrational but that doesn’t mean we’re not holding on. See fixing mind vs. allowing mind in Deconditioning. Say all the things you wish you said and the things you would never say out loud to them or anyone else for that matter, the things you might be ashamed to even think, irrational reactions, all of it, put it on the page. This is a toxic dump.
You can type it out on a blank document and just delete it afterward. You can also write it out and burn it or shred it after (safely). Either way don’t pay attention to if what you’re typing/writing is grammatically correct or even makes sense.
Set a timer for 15-20 minutes and when you’re done delete or burn it and then take a moment to sit, put your feet on the ground, imagine them in front of you and send them light. Visualize both of you being filled up with this light. And close it however feels right for you. Maybe you thank them or wish them well, maybe you cut a cord ( you can find a cord cutting meditation on my IGTV); and send them on their way. Release them. Forgive them if you can and Let go. You can also follow it up with a little Loving Kindness meditation which can also be found on my IGTV. I guarantee you have a person for everyday of the month. For some it may be the same person every time. You can repeat someone until the charge there is gone and you feel finished.
This is an experiment. Get curious. Notice if you feel lighter, if tension releases in your body from letting go. Commit to the process for a month and see what happens.