Slaying Dragons

I wrote a post on Instagram yesterday that began with: this is the face of someone who slayed a dragon today.

Who circled back around to peel back a much deeper layer. Who faced what she didn’t even know she didn’t want to face.

As I breathed into it, I heard his voice through my choking sobs say “Come back, come back to your body.” And every time I heard a voice inside me say “I don’t want to be here.” But I came back. Every time I came back. I dove deeper. I cried and wailed from the very center, the very root of my being. I let go. I rode the wave with the shadowy full moon energy as my ally. I peered into the darkness.

I don’t need to know what it was… if it was a piece of my trauma or if it was even mine. If it came through from lives past lived or down the line of my ancestors. I can release it from my body without figuring it out in my mind. I can drop the weight.

I rest in gratitude. It wasn’t an anomaly. It was facilitated through cumulative work. All the days I breathed and cried, journaled, meditated, tapped, used my tools, chose to pause instead of react, chose to love myself instead of be critical when I missed my practice. I made incremental shifts, I chiseled away at my armor; I paved the way for the massive release that took place. I got to set that boulder I’ve been carrying for so long down. And today I’ll begin again. To set down another.

This is such a potent time for shedding. Harness the energy of Fall. Use the season as your ally. I spoke in Breeathwork this weekend about how the trees shed… watch them as they simply drop their leaves. Sometimes we can let go in this way, just soften, just take a moment to loosen our grip a little. And sometimes it will be a battle. It will take courage to look at the things we don’t want to look at. To come back to our bodies when we want to check out. To feel it.

I have always found the exquisite freedom on the other side, the actual loss of weight to be worth the time and pain it takes to dive in.

“True fearlessness is not the reduction of fear, but going beyond fear.”
― Chögyam Trungpa, The Sacred Path of the Warrior

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