Don't Be Afraid of Your Dark

I realized as I typed this title out, that I had a similar title for a podcast almost exactly one year ago. I’m sensing a theme as I head into my natal season of Autumn and inch toward my birthday, Samhain, when the veils between worlds are at their thinnest. Looking back at that episode I myself am now fully inside of a Progressed Balsamic Moon Phase in Scorpio (considered to be the most challenging moon phase + sign as Scorpio is in its place of fall), of all signs. A double whammy of sorts. And, while this may feel jarring for many (and not exactly cozy for me either), Scorpio energy is one I have intimate relationship with. And, I don’t really believe anything is “good” or “bad”, it’s all energy that serves us for a time, when we utilize it and honor it. This does not mean that I don’t still catch myself sometimes fearing my dark, othering it, or pushing it away, shoving it into a cupboard or recess in my mind.

It’s something I was thinking about this morning as I was setting myself up in a new container for my daily practice and contemplating what I needed right now, which “Balsamic Scorpio Moon” gives quite a lot of insight. I’ve also found myself with tears just under the surface most days of late. Again, not something to wrestle with but something to offer recognition.

Before we talk about my new container, let’s first chat about my last one. I just completed 80 days of Subagh Kriya, a practice for increasing magic and synchronicity in your life and did it ever. It was astonishing all of the small (and big) ways I found myself on the receiving end of sometimes almost instantaneous manifestations and long time desires. I saved money on accommodations, I received gifts, shop owners who just told me to “take it”. I saw a bear, received bonuses, discounts, meals... I declared I was craving spanakopita and then randomly happened upon it as the special at a vegetarian cafe in a small town in Wyoming. I didn't just spot in the distance, but got to sit within 6 feet of not one but two male moose, for as long as I liked, while they dined on the side of the road, a low key obsession I’ve had for years. It truly was magical and I could go on and on around all the synchronicities, the amplification of my intuition + even some protection that came through. And, when I sat down to think about what I needed this morning I realized that in that time I had been so focused on raising up the positive in my life that I failed to tend to my dark, which is present in all of us. I might have even done some bypassing.

This is something that I don’t think is addressed enough. We absolutely want to marinate in gratitude, we want to spend our days amplifying the good, hunting for beauty, seeing the ways we already have what we desire more of in our lives, even if in small ways. We want to tend to the vibration we’re broadcasting and take action each day to step more fully into the archetype of our desired future self AND we cannot ignore, stuff, subjugate, “Pollyanna”, affirmation away our dark, our grief, our anger, our resentment, our fear, our worry. While we don’t wanna take up residence in those energetics, we also can’t just pretend they don’t exist. Guests in the guesthouse, as Rumi so eloquently shares. Because if they’re there creating static in the background, they are also creating obstacles to stepping into greater abundance, freedom, well-being, ease, to remembering our limitlessness. And while I’ve been through multiple certifications around clearing trapped emotions, like everyone else, I can still, in moments, forget just how important it is to continue to face our dark, and tend to it, not just move toward the light.

Many of us that find our way to these practices are HSP’s (highly sensitive people). We are drawn to the tools because we need them. We end up in positions guiding, witnessing, and helping others from the vast toolbox we’ve amassed, and wisdom of walking a path that began with our own journey of healing (which is sometimes a lifelong process). Our perceived weakness ends up being our greatest strength. Our sensitivity an exquisitely beautiful gift. But it makes it even more necessary to consistently and intentionally tend to our own emptying out.

So while I picked another Kriya to work with to amplify the good in my life, I also recommitted to daily journal dumps, emotional clearings and breathwork because this is what serves me most in space making. There are so many places we can look to in our chart and bodygraph for the most aligned practices to support us each individually, because like everything else, it’s not one size fits all. I happen to be a 2/4 (need for solitude - 2 line, and breathwork - 4 line), also served by Kundalini (2 line). I have a Virgo North Node (need for consistent routine, mental purging and purification). I’m an HSP and breathwork helps me dump out emotions I’ve taken on as well as emotional clearings. It also often comes up in my Healy scans (the need to strengthen my boundaries and allow others to have their own emotions without absorbing or making it my job to fix them) and so I’m able (and grateful) to vibrate that support through the quantum field. As a Cancer rising, I have air signs on my 4th, 8th and 12th houses, the houses of what’s underneath, so breathwork serves me for this as well, as well as tools for dumping the mental noise. These are just a few examples.

Regardless of how we do it, we all need to look at our low vibrations, our ugly, our negative emotions and shadows squarely. See them, feel them, honor them, move them. And, bonus, it will make it that much easier to spend our days leaning in to what’s good, into gratitude, into awe, when we’re not mucked up with absorbed, unacknowledged, or unprocessed feels.

This is something I absolutely love doing with clients and why this incarnation of Quantum UpLeveling is so focused around release, on peering into the dark, the perfect resonance for the season we’re in.

*Members can find Subagh guided inside the The Harvest 40 day guided prosperity journey inside The Collective, as well as ample deconditioning + shadow support.

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