indecision + the wood element
I have never had more trouble making a decision in my whole life. I have always followed Goethe’s vibes… “leap and the net will appear” (before I had any knowledge of my 2/4 Profile) I’ve moved to four cities without ever visiting prior. I left a job in the NFL with only a dream to pursue film, and a job with Twentieth Century Fox with a dream to pursue acting + photography, and I left Los Angeles after 14 years with a dream to slow down and get back into nature, with more focus on the healing practices I was always learning and cultivating on the back burner. Of all the many leaps I’ve taken, it has always felt like it was towards something, rather than away from, until the end of 2020 when I felt a strong call to leave Portland and the west coast after 20 years, at the age of 40, with no idea where I wanted to go, in the middle of a pandemic. I spent months traveling, under odd circumstances, before making my way back to my home state of Texas. After a fairly firm mentality that I would never move back to Texas I was surprised by how good it felt as I made my way through the west (ahem, 4th House Lunar Progression). However, I still, after a year and a half have not settled on where exactly I want to put down my stake. And yes some of this has to do with the market, and the world, etc.. etc.. but it’s also just a lack of clarity, or maybe… not the right time yet.
For the first time in my life I’m really allowing myself to sit with that discomfort, the uneasiness of not knowing what the next right step is, for a LONG time. It’s much easier to say wait to respond, or for the invitation, in the short term but it’s much harder to follow our Strategy + Authority when the months tic by and we still feel like we are standing still, only, that’s not true, because we are never actually standing still. We are always moving.
In this time of “waiting” I have been able to focus on my self and my own well-being as well as on growing my business. I have recovered from hustling. I’ve been able to spend time with my family after decades of well over 1000 miles between us. That being said, with all of my stuff growing dust in storage, I’d be lying if I didn't say I had to check my thought loops, worrying, future projecting on a fairly regular basis. That I have to remind, and re-remind myself to trust, to wait for the next right step to present itself.
“Do you have the patience to wait until the mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? ”
That quote has been on my phone’s lock screen for months, reminding me not to act from fear, not to act from what I might think I “should” be doing, not to take a step without that Sacral yes. And, I have been hearing this again and again from clients, from friends, from friends of friends, the feeling of stuckness, of not being sure of your next right action, of trying not to force it but feeling frustrated, of discomfort with the unknown. This is such a perfect + supportive time to be focusing on the Wood element. As spring is doing its thing I can begin to feel myself unfurl, to take small steps toward what I ultimately want to create and cultivate. The Wood element, associated with Spring, rules the Liver + the Gallbladder. The Liver helps us to organize, to adapt, assimilate, to take the turns we need to rather than trying to force our way through so that we can expand (Jupiter). The Gallbladder helps us make the right decisions. When we are feeling stuck or not sure what to do next, supporting these organ systems can help align us with the right path, to make the decisions we need to with clarity and conviction as a balanced wood element helps us to see our next move. The Liver also rules frustration and anger, not self themes for Sacral beings and Manifestors respectively. ;)
I find it fascinating that the only Gate associated with the Gallbladder is Gate 51, the Gate of Shock, the CHANNEL OF INITIATION, which describes the energy many of us are moving through right now, individual + collective initiations. It is very much an invitation to follow our heart. Ra says of this gate, “the ability to respond to disorder and shock through recognition and adaptation”. This is the Wood element. Wood is going about its business growing in one direction, and then it encounters an obstacle and it must adapt, reroute, have flexibility. 51 pushes us to go beyond what we think we know to be true. It moves us out of our comfort zone and into our own personal growth. It provokes change, in right timing. It asks us to understand impermanence, to cultivate calm + to follow our inner guidance, even if this means waiting. And to move through our fear, not around it, even if our fear is inaction.
And while we are “waiting” we can make space, clear out, detox our space, our bodies, our minds, our emotional bodies. Purge. Organize. We can empty out, purify + support ourselves so that we can hear our intuition come through loud and clear + have space for what’s next, for something new. We are never standing still. We are preparing. It’s not about making a decision, it’s about making the right one. The one that doesn’t feel wishy washy or confusing. The one that lights us up from the inside out. Not the one that might be the “right thing to do right now” but the one that feels like a hell yeah. If you are struggling with indecisiveness or uncertainty around your next correct action, support your Wood element, lean into Spring + the small ways you can marinate in how you want to feel + what you want to ultimately create, invite in the clarity you need, even if that clarity is to hold tight a little longer for the best next step to appear. ;)
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